{"product_id":"they-cant-use-you-if-youre-useless","title":"They Can't Use You - T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"488\" data-start=\"265\"\u003eThe ultimate burnout-era life philosophy — simple, bold, and brutally honest.\u003cbr data-end=\"345\" data-start=\"342\"\u003eThis shirt reads \u003cem data-end=\"402\" data-start=\"362\"\u003e“\u003cstrong\u003eThey Can’t Use You If You’re Useless\u003c\/strong\u003e”\u003c\/em\u003e in distressed white text — equal parts ironic wisdom and unapologetic self-defense.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"664\" data-start=\"490\"\u003ePerfect for cynics, introverts, overworked professionals, and anyone tired of being “productive.” Wear it to work, Zoom calls, or while skillfully doing absolutely nothing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"715\" data-start=\"680\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e✔ Premium unisex tee (Gildan 64000)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e✔ Soft cotton blend with medium weight\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e✔ Printed with eco-friendly inks\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e✔ Available in \u003cstrong data-end=\"840\" data-start=\"807\"\u003eblack, navy, royal, and white\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e✔ Designed by Dork Matter 🧠✨\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dork Matter","offers":[{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":52526902706503,"sku":"9890138_496","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":52526902739271,"sku":"9890138_527","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":52526902772039,"sku":"9890138_558","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":52526902804807,"sku":"9890138_589","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":52526902837575,"sku":"9890138_620","price":31.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":52526902870343,"sku":"9890138_651","price":33.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":52526902509895,"sku":"9890138_474","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":52526902542663,"sku":"9890138_505","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":52526902575431,"sku":"9890138_536","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":52526902608199,"sku":"9890138_567","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":52526902640967,"sku":"9890138_598","price":31.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":52526902673735,"sku":"9890138_629","price":33.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ S","offer_id":52526902903111,"sku":"9890138_500","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ M","offer_id":52526902935879,"sku":"9890138_531","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ L","offer_id":52526902968647,"sku":"9890138_562","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ XL","offer_id":52526903001415,"sku":"9890138_593","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":52526903034183,"sku":"9890138_624","price":31.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":52526903066951,"sku":"9890138_655","price":33.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":52526961197383,"sku":"9932466_473","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":52526961230151,"sku":"9932466_504","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":52526961262919,"sku":"9932466_535","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":52526961295687,"sku":"9932466_566","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":52526961328455,"sku":"9932466_597","price":31.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":52526961361223,"sku":"9932466_628","price":33.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0901\/8173\/0631\/files\/0272-n-they-cant-use-you.jpg?v=1760389741","url":"https:\/\/dorkmatter.co\/products\/they-cant-use-you-if-youre-useless","provider":"Dork Matter","version":"1.0","type":"link"}